The closest feeling to you, the most intimate feeling, is your sense or ‘I’. There’s no one moment where you feel as if you are not. You exist and that’s a fact. However without noticing what that ‘I’ is, you’re missing the treasure that’s always there with you. Your ‘I’ is not merely a concept, a thought in your brain, but an actual presence. Stripping it naked of thoughts and psychological burden, this ‘I’ presence reveals its beauty.
Presence instead of Thought
Take a moment and feel into your sense of ‘I’. The emphasis here is on feel into it. Your sense of ‘I’ is not a thought, nor is it a concept. It is not a belief, nor a memory. Rather it is a clear and tangible presence that can be sensed and felt. Can you sense it? Notice that it is existential, meaning that it is your very feeling of ‘I exist’ or ‘I am’. The more you feel into it, the more still and silent you become. Somehow, by just sensing into your sense of presence, of being, you become centered and joyful.
Many people mistakenly think that this sense of ‘I’ is made of their thoughts. However closer examination will easily reveal that it has nothing to do with thoughts. After all, your thoughts change constantly, but your sense of ‘I’ doesn’t fluctuate. Please notice – I didn’t say your personality – I said your sense of ‘I’, literally referring to the sensation of ‘I’. This sensation lies prior to your personality.
Without noticing it we spend most of our time trying to solve the problem of life. Our mind constantly needs to occupy itself with problem solving as it believes that doing so will continue its existence – our existence. In other words we believe that without thinking about something, without some conflict that has to be resolved, we will cease to exist. That’s why we constantly think about our conflicts from yesterday and our worries about tomorrow. It’s innocent, we don’t do it on purpose. We simply don’t know that what we are is a presence and not a thought.
Naturally when that’s what we think, we will try to produce a constant state of thinking in order to exist. But once we start touching our actual presence, the story can end and we can finally wake up. At night, we dream very elaborate stories, but once we wake up – it’s done at once. There’s a cut, a discontinuation. Same goes with revealing our true being. Simply focus on the sense of ‘I’ and let go of the need to finish all your unfinished business. You’ll notice how very quickly all your psychological content is emptied out and you remain joyfully present.
Insanity means constantly imagining a problem that isn’t there and then trying to solve it. Funnily, we are all doing this. This basically means that we’re all insane! Can you accept that there is no problem that needs to be solved? Can you accept that life is perfectly ok as it is? Yes I know that not everything goes the way you want it to. And yes I also know you experience painful stuff from time to time. But what if life was never meant to go the way you wanted it to? What if discomfort and pain aren’t a problem that needs solution? Life is just as it is. Clear and simple. Once you allow it (yourself) to be as it is, you start resting in the presence of your true being. This is the dawning of sanity.
You start to give more energy and space to your actual presence and in it you find a wonderful bright silence. It is clean and clear, good and fulfilling. Your mind comes to rest. It’s like popping a bubble…coming out of a bad trip. This bright presence that you are is so simple yet so precious. It is the very center of your being. Without being anchored in it there can be no sanity. But once your center of gravity shifts to your actual existential presence, you start breathing sanity again.
What you are is bright and beautiful. It is a clear and silent space in which nothing happens. It is free of disturbance and is always present. Whenever you find yourself drowning in thought, instead of trying to solve it – stop. Leave the whole narrative altogether and focus only on your sense of presence. Don’t worry that your thinking narrative was broken – it would’ve never arrived to a solution anyway. Root yourself in your sense of existence. Realize that what you are is a bright presence. What a blessing this is. Such a joy! What you really are, is not limited to thoughts, beliefs, memories, past or future. It is so much better. You are bright presence.